


TAEMIN - Song Fic

by taemptation



Category: Kpop - Fandom, Super M (band)
Genre: Depression, EXO Planet, Grief, M/M, Songfic, Super M - Freeform, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-23 11:48:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21319705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taemptation/pseuds/taemptation
Summary: A related song fic collection from TAEMIN - Japanese Album.Jongin and Taemin relationship hasn't always been rosy but they'll make it through...somehow.
Relationships: Ha Sungwoon/Park Jimin (BTS), Kim Jongin | Kai/Lee Taemin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	1. Eclipse

**Author's Note:**

> The timeline : During the Taekai drought...

_I just want to lay my freezing hands and feet over you,_

_I didn’t even think that I’d be stealing your warmth away _

_You probably didn’t either_  
  
It was a rough end to the year for both Taemin and Jongin. Although they’ve been friends for years and sometimes more than that, something just broke within them this time when people close to them passed on.Death was not an easy subject to talk about between the two and they would rather not talk about it when it hurts either one of them. Taemin was in a much darker place than Jongin was and he just couldn’t reach his bestfriend as much as he wanted to. Not when he himself was trying hard to be alright.  
  
There was a breakdown in their communication. Both mutually decided to take some time off their friendship. Jongin’s relationship with Soojung soured too. His loneliness worried his friends and Wonshik and Moonkyu was not the type to sit around. They too tried to reach for Taemin but he was too far gone.  
  
_Every time I get hurt,I run away into the shadows_

_Before I even realize, it begins to gain control of me_

_Seizing me _ _Tell me why, just [tell me] a way to escape_

_Set me free, just set me free_  
  
Taemin didn’t hesitate when he signed the contract to put out a Japanese album. It would mean spending time away from the people who love him but couldn’t do anything about it. The people he and Jongin called friends.He knew they were there for him but he felt that Jongin needed them the most and he wanted him to be okay. Taemin decided he would bury himself with work to cope with the emptiness he felt inside. 

_My heart turns pitch black _ _Darkness (*Black) bites in, bright light shines around_

_When we align with each other, will you or will I be the moon _

_With a love that consumes and closely_

_Embraces the other (Get closer)We become one Woo_

_Only if I knew how toCry when I felt sad_

_Only if I had the courage to lay myself out bare_

_You probably wish the same _ _Tell me why, _

_how do I liveLight the way, _

_please light the way_

_My heart cries out in pain_

_Darkness (*Black) bites in, bright light shines around_

_When we look up, will the moon take its chance yeah_  
  
He immersed himself with his music and dance. It was the only thing left that makes him feel alive at the moment. He used all his charms to create a new version of himself and built a wall around the vulnerable self that he’s afraid to show too much of. He doesn’t know how to control it, but if he could hold on a little longer, just a little, maybe it would tide over.

  
_Taking control, closing in _

_Obscuring the other (Get closer)The skies becomes one_

_Hands up, because it only lasts a moment_

_Hands up, be careful_

_Be careful so you don’t miss it_

_Darkness (*Black) bites in_

_Bright light shines aroundWhen we align with each other_

_Will you or will I be the moon Yeah_

_With a love that consumes and closely_

_Embraces the other (Get closer)We become one Woo_  
  
Months passed, many things had happened. It’s been too long since he’s texted his best friend. He was happy to see Moonkyu taking care of his friend well and it was good to see his Jongin smile again. Maybe it wasn’t just Moonkyu that helped. Taemin sighed as he read the Moonkyu’s message that Jongin was seeing someone new. Perhaps he should too.


	2. Into The Rhythm

_Be deliberate, be cunning Be unyielding and shrewd, beautifully so _

_Be persevering, be loving Be supple, valiantly so (powerfully so) _

He doesn’t usually do this at all but here he was at this private bar in Japan looking for something, looking for someone. He couldn’t remember the last time he put himself out there for anyone because Jongin and him were always so comfortably together.  
  
There she was standing, slightly taller than he was, approaching him like a black panther on a prowl. A beautiful Japanese woman who was exuding an aura of danger and sexiness. She wasn’t scantily dressed, infact she was almost covered up by her long black dress with only her back slightly showing. Her hair was short and her eyes were big and bright and her red painted lips reminded him of Jongin. Maybe he has a type after all. If Jongin was a woman, perhaps this woman would be him. 

_The more you and I try to understand each other _

_The more I despair at this distance between us _

_Yet I still reach out my hands because uh-huh _   
  
_(Closer to me, baby, show me, into) If I could just steal you away I would use any means necessary_

_The melody is tempting me Into the rhythm Into the rhythm You’re mysterious harmony._

After a few rounds of drinks, less words were exchanged between the two. He wanted more. The alcohol in his system and the music made him bold to pull her to the dance floor and move to the music.

_Follow your heart I’m rhythm Come here, you’re fantastic I can’t smile well _

_(can’t smile) I can’t even breathe (can’t smile) I want to be needed (can’t smile) _

_I want to be loved When [I] throw away this reality (Nana) Tell me what you want Tell me what you want oh tell me (My girl)..._

It’s been a long time since he’s been with someone else, much less a woman. From the dance floor to the confines of a hotel room. It was all a blur to him. 


	3. Under My Skin

_Here it goes again_  
_The worst side of me_  
_I’ve kept under my skin_  
_Makes me feel uneasy deep inside_  
  
After months of being away, SM Town was the only opportunity to see Jongin. Was he ready though? He hasn’t told anyone the way he has been living lately. He gained a little bit of weight too. Things must be going well with Jongin since he only hear good things about EXO activities, but there was no news about the girl that he is seeing. He was a little hurt that Jongin didn’t even tell him.  
  
_I couldn’t love myself properly_  
_There was a part in me that was_  
_Unnecessary and far from my ideal self_  
_And I broke it myself by force_  
  
_So now I reach my hand_  
_Only your warmth melts my cold heart_  
_That I’ve kept hiding under my skin_  
  
Being with someone was fun in the beginning but it wore him out and arranging a meet up was more hassle than its worth. He was back at square one, busying himself with work. He hides behind his smile and pretend that everything was okay and it wasn’t. Things were better for him but he doesn’t feel complete. Without his SHINee members around, he had to admit he felt like he lost bit of some stability. He knows this. He knows he needs some help. This time, he approaches those closest to him bit by bit.  
  
_The real me I’ve never shown anyone and can’t let out anywhere_  
_Please hold me tonight_  
_Every time I remember someone who left me_  
_I feel like I only have a dark side in me_  
_Am I getting any better? (Am I okay?)_  
_I talk to myself in the mirror_  
_Then I hear the snicker echoing_  
_Deep in my eardrums_  
  
He realises he can’t keep running forever. He wonders if the fans notices. He’d like to think they are known for their SM Town interactions and there was none. He only caught a glimpse of Jongin backstage. Baekhyun and Suho couldn’t understand why Taemin didn’t approach them during the concert. He even asked Eunhyuk and Donghae to spend the day with him, which they thought odd. The closest he had physically being with Jongin all day was when they were taking group photos.   
  
That night Jongin texted him.   
  
_So now I take your hand_  
_When I touch your love_  
_I can forgive my weakness_  
_That I’ve kept hiding under my skin_  
  
He went into Taemin’s room and they sat down on the edge of the bed together. His words were almost whispers and his gaze, soft. The awkwardness melts immediately. Jongin was different. He was stronger. He held Taemin’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.   
  
“Don’t let go. Even if we aren’t a couple anymore. Don’t let go anymore. I’m ready and i’m here for you if you need me.”  
  
_As long as you’re with me_  
_Every part of my past_  
_Will turn into a part of my future_  
  
_So now I reach my hand_  
_Only your warmth melts my cold heart_  
_That I’ve kept hiding under my skin_  
_The real me I’ve never shown anyone and can’t let out anywhere_  
_Please hold me tonight_  
  
In that moment, Taemin felt that he deserve to be more than okay and to do that, he needs to forgive himself and embrace what he has before him.   
  



	4. Better Man

_Are you waiting? I can’t keep_

_My promise again tonight_

_The needle of the clock changes_

_Today to yesterday_

_My swallowed sighsBecomes one with the night breeze_

_So sorry I looked up at the sky without a star_  
  
“Let’s be like how we used to be…really good friends.” Jongin said as he held his hand out for Taemin.   
  
“Okay.” Taemin said with an unreadable smile and shook Jongin’s hand.  
  
“Let’s not hurt each other anymore.”   
  
It would be months till they met up again. 

_Silence please laugh as usualAnd forgive me_

_There’s not enough timeTo become my own self_  
  
There was a conference call between, Taemin, Kai and a few SM Entertainment higher ups.   
  
“ We have a project group planned, and we know that you both are very close to each other, however we seek your cooperation to appear around each other less till we finalise the project.”  
  
“Why? Whats the project? We’re just friends. Friends can hangout.” Jongin said.   
  
“We want to put you in a project group together, and we know you both have fans who love your friendship but we want to make them crave for more. Hopefully this distance will keep them wanting more and support this new project group. But for now, Taemin, we want you to concentrate on your solo without any mishaps or scandals. Jongin…we hear a scandal news might be dropping soon about you. This could either help you or not but it’ll affect EXO’s comeback and it might affect Taemin’s too. So we have to be prepared.” one of the managers said sternly.  
  
“I don’t understand it but i’ll try. Jonginnie, if we can work together, i’ll probably do any thing for it to happen.” Taemin retorted.  
Even if I want to meet youI can’t meet you soon, I can’t let go of your hand  
Baby you make me want to beWanna be a better man, for youI swear I’ll a better man  
Taemin’s phone buzzed as a notification pops up and soon messages from close friends who couldn’t comprehend the news that he just read. “So he’s dating Jennie?” he muttered to himself. Taemin took a deep breath. He told himself he needs to be a supportive friend but deep down he wished he was still Jongin’s significant other.  
  
Maybe this separation thing was a good thing. It’ll keep his feelings for Jongin away and it’ll keep him from doing something stupid like breaking their friendship again.   
  
_I’ll wait until you fell asleep on the sofa_

_And I’ll kiss your cheeksBaby you make me want_

_To be a better man_

_I’m singing not to wake you upSoftly a love songI promise, I swear_  
  
He meets Jongin a few days later for the SM Town concert. They tried to be discreet as possible when they were near each other. They deliberately stood far apart. It was hard. The thought of Jongin being someone’s elses boyfriend however did help him avoid Jongin easily but when he was alone in his dressing room, all he wanted to do was be with him.  
  
Taemin visited EXO’s dressing room only to find Jongin alone, asleep on the couch. Taemin smiled at the sleeping figure. He misses his friend so much. Gently he runs his fingers through the other man’s hair and admire his calm sleeping face.   
  
“I love you. I think i can’t help but love you.” He whispered.  
  
He leans in and gently places a kiss on Jongin’s lips. Jongin’s phone buzzed, and it was Jennie. Panicked, he ran out of the room. Taemin never knew that Jongin sat up and watch him run away. He didn’t see how Jongin touched his own lips and Taemin certainly didn’t hear him say. “ I still....love you too.”  
  
The phone continued buzzing.

  
_My love won’t change_

_Even at night, when I’m worn out and damaged_

_Or unable to move (always)_

_You only have to say a single word and my hands turn intoWings, I will change myself_   
  
_If I had not met you_

_What kind of myself would I be_

_Even by then I thinkI wouldn’t be good for you_

_To see you foreverI will change myself_   
  
_Baby you make me want to be_

_Wanna be a better man, for you_

_I swear I’ll a better man_

_You sleeping on the sofa In your dreams_

_Baby you make me wantTo be a better man_

_Make me a, make me a,make me a better man Make me a, make me a, make me a better man_

_I won’t separate from you_   
_Baby you makeBaby you make me want to be_

_Wanna be a better man, for youI swear I’ll a better manI’ll wait until you fell asleep on the sofa_

_And I’ll kiss your cheeks_

_Baby you make me wantTo be a better man_   
  
A week after the announcement of his relationship status, Jennie and Jongin broke up. 


	5. MARS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It gets harder to fit the songs into a story hahaha. But this is my fav chapter featuring some padding squad members.

_It shone in the distant sky, _

_a fire becoming red_

_The star of passion Mars_

_You fly me, I found you_

_Burn up my passion_

_I’ll dream tonight too_

It was just the three of them, Taemin, Moonkyu and Jongin chilling at _KAMONG_ and eating waffles. It’s been awhile since they got to hangout. 

“So…are you two back together, officially then? Like, really boyfriends and not confused best friends??” Moonkyu asked with a smile.  
Jongin blushed and smiled only to be playfully hit by Taemin. 

“Why are you blushing?! It’s not like we haven’t dated or been confessed to before…”

“You’re blushing too.” Jongin laughed. Under the table, Jongin’s fingers were entwined with Taemin’s.

“Ahh its nice to see you both together again. It’s hard to hang out with you both separately! But is this really okay?” Moonkyu asked.

“Well we still got to be discreet. As long as we’re not pictured alone together, its okay. Besides, i’m almost done with my album, after this lets get the gang together and go on a trip? I want to get a scuba diving licence!”

_It’s like cosmic love_

_Close your eyes_

_This world is only ours, oh_

_I’m gonna show you_

_A thousand stars_

_Once we hold hands, oh_

_Dancing on Mars_

_I don’t want anything else_

_Let’s make a breathtaking kiss_

_Dancing on Mars_

_I’m gonna take you_

_Be drawn to each other in a world without gravity_

_On Mars_

Taemin snuggled up to Kai while watching Kai scroll through the photos on his camera. Ravi walked in with drinks with Moonkyu following behind holding a tray of food. 

“I think i’ll have to get used to this again.” Ravi said. Moonkyu chuckled from behind him. Sungwoon groans from where he was sitting. “You guys are making me miss Jimin even more.” he pouts.

“Sungwoon ah…you’re not the only one who misses him! You can always join this cuddle group~” Taemin said. 

“No. I’m going to face time him!” he replied taking out his phone.

“ You’re an amazing photographer…too bad you can’t post our photos…ooh this one is a good shot of me too.” Taemin said.

“You should go get an instagram, i promise i’ll teach you.” Jongin said nudging him bit.

“ Are you going to post all those photos of Wonshikkie? At the rate you two keep hanging out together, they’re gonna think you two are dating each other.” he said pouting at Jongin.

“Ya, Taeminnie, then you better start hanging out with us more. We miss you a lot.” Wonshik replied while opening and placing the cold can on Taemin’s cheek. Taemin screamed and the rest of the group fell into fits of laughter.  


_We’ll be dancing_

_Just the two of us up on Mars_

_We’ll be dancingSecret love is up on Mars_

_Please be with me_

_You are Aphrodite_

_I won’t stop, oh_

_The Moon is not visible_

_Only words spoken with eyes_

_If we hold each other close, oh_

_Dancing on Mars_

_Anyone else knows_

_Fill the dry heart with love_

_Dancing on Mars_

_I’m gonna take you_

_Be drawn to each other in a world without gravity_

_On Mars_

_We’ll be dancing_

_Just the two of us up on Mars_

_We’ll be dancing_

“Taemin ah, its the last night of this Vacation. Lets make a promise to do this again.” Jongin said gazing into his lover’s eyes.

“Of course. Just a few more months and we’ll be able to be with each other more often…I look forward to that everyday.” he smiled sleepily. 

_Won’t let you down_

_Won’t let you fall_

_We go around, _

_oh Scattered stardust_

_Your illuminated smile is not a dream_

_This is cosmic love_

_Keep it around_

_This world is only ours, oh_

_I’m gonna show you_

_A thousand stars_

_Once we hold hands, oh_

_Dancing on MarsI don’t want anything else_

_Let’s make a breathtaking kiss(Are you ready for this)_

“Jonginnie…”

“Taeminnie…”  
  



	6. What is This Feeling?

_Not a single thing, not a single person_

_I can’t believe anything anymore_

_I muttered with cold eyes_

_If it’s you, I can believe_

_This skewed world_

_I’m seeing from an angle_

_Ah yeahIs like a perfect illusion even today_

_Even if I walk down A smooth road_

Taemin wakes up in a cold sweat. He turns to his side to see his partner next to him. Jongin stirred at the sudden movement.

“Taeminnie…why are you up? are you okay?” Jongin said, sitting up to rub Taemin’s back.

“Just a bad dream.” he said falling back to bed and holding Jongin’s arm. 

He couldn’t sleep that night. 

_Before I realize_

_I would stray away from it and fall_

_I can’t handle this_

_What’s this feeling?_

_I can’t escape this anymore_

_What’s this feeling? What’s this feeling? What’s this feeling?_

“Taeminnie, open up the door, come on, please.” Jongin begged. 

“Go away. I’m sure you have regrets. So go away.” Taemin shouted from the other side of the door.

“I swear Taeminnie, we’re both done with each other. She just…she just doesn’t know about us. The text doesn’t mean a thing…and if you’re okay with it, we can tell her.” Jongin pleaded. 

“Please…i can’t lose you again.” 

_Where and how did only _

_I Make a mistake_

_Half in doubt_

_Living as though I’m going down an unfair twisted fate_

_Those awfully cool_

_Glass bead eyes_

_Ah yeah_

_Seem as though they see right through all my emotions_

_Even though I’m drawn to them_

_I want to get away_

_My fragile heart_

_Gets torn apart_

_I can’t name it_

  
There was a loud bang on the door and Taemin looked up to see that Jongin has broken the door to get to him. Before he could truly process what was going on, he feels Jongin’s warm embrace. 

_What’s this feeling?_

_I can’t escape this anymore_

_If this is love, but if it isn’t love_

_Then what am I supposed to believe?_

_Whether I want to fight it back or be consumed_

_I don’t know anymore_

_Wow wow wow wow_

_I can’t handle thisWhat’s this feeling?_

_I can’t escape this anymoreWhat’s this feeling?_

_What’s this feeling?What’s this feeling?_

Taemin let it all out in tears with Jongin holding him and reassuring that everything is going to be fine. He was trembling and he couldn’t understand why he was feeling so overwhelmed.

He had to refocus and take a step back. He knew he was doing too much to compensate for the things that he doesn’t understand. Something he was doing, especially when Jongin wasn’t by his side. But things are different now and he wants to be better for himself and for everyone he cares about. He took a deep breath and canceled all his schedules for a short healing break. For the first time in months, he finally went back for counselling. He came to a realisation that Jongin was indeed his anchor. 


	7. Final : HOLY WATER

_Don't blame me_   
_Please don't step into here_   
_Just don't mess up this place_

_Don't turn the lights on_   
_I beg you not to light here up_   
_Don't try to find this place_

He wanted to be alone at first. It felt like he was back at square one. But neither Jongin and his friends were not going to allow that. It finally made sense to Jongin on why Taemin has been avoiding them back then but now he understood that Taemin too, in all his brightness also has a dark place in his heart. Always hiding behind a smile.

_Oh believe in me, believe in me, believe in me, please_   
_Oh believe in me, believe in me, believe in me, please_

_Forgive me_   
_Accept me_   
_And relieve my thirst, holy water_   
_Father Earth and Mother Sea_   
_Forgive me, save me_   
_Holy water which awakens my soul_   
_The sacred song turns into a prayer_

It took some time, but Jongin and Moonkyu has been trying their hardest to pull Taemin out of it.   
His most vulnerable self revealed when he prays to god. Eventually, he open up again to the people he loves and found solace in them. He realises he doesn’t always have to hide his emotions anymore. This was a new side of Taemin that even he has to accept. 

_Now stand up_   
_Holy water, holy water_   
_Holy water, holy water_   
_Now stand up_   
_Holy water, holy water_   
_Now stand up_   
_Holy water, holy water_

_Don't leave us alone_   
_So the loneliness won't grow inside me anymore_   
_Please need me_

_Oh believe in me, believe in me, believe in me, please_   
_Oh believe in me, believe in me, believe in me, please_

Taemin looks affectionately at the fans who came to his concert and he knew he was meant to do this. He closed his eyes hearing the roaring cheers of his name. He felt touched and he could almost cry knowing that he does have all that he needs. He was very loved and that made him smile widely.

_Give me a sign_   
_Shake me awake_   
_And give me a way to make amends, holy water_   
_Father Light and Mother Sky_   
_Give me a sign, save me_   
_Holy water which makes me think about the meaning of life_   
_The sacred voices overlap_

It was a new chapter in his life, and he was enjoying what he was doing and he knows whenever he looked to the left or to the right, Jongin will always be there with him. They will be dancing through life together and Taemin would have it no other way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its finally the end~ Sorry if it's like a weird fic, it ended up being hard to make sense for all the song lyrics but I hope you enjoyed that. I also made a dumb Jopping ref. ^_^


End file.
